That's What Friends Are For

I've been fighting a nasty sinus infection for over a week now. I even broke down & went to the doctor for meds. It's slowly getting better, but I had been cooped up in my apartment for the holiday weekend going stir crazy. Thankfully I received a last minute text yesterday for a pool gathering. Nothing too exciting...just some snacks/BYOB, etc. I wasn't sure I would be up for it, but once I got there, it was like medicine to be around my friends. I got to see my friend's baby, Evelynn, who is a little over a year. She's such a ham & I love it. She isn't afraid to be around any of us & spent her time going back and forth between auntie Jena and uncle Doug since we were the first ones there. I enjoyed the time away from home. The weather was amazing today. Great friends really do a wonderful job of helping you forget you ever felt crummy in the first place.

Purple Rain

Today our division at work wore purple for peace. It's National Peace Day I guess. I didn't mind wearing purple. It's not my favorite color, but I went with it. I had another first for 2011...purple nail polish. I'm that girl who wears black or dark blue...or dark maroon/red if I'm feeling chipper. It feels good to wear a pretty color for once....maybe I'll do it again sometime...

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For...

Today I received a phone call about a job I had applied for in San Diego. At first I was excited because I've been so depressed about the 4 interview process to a "thanks but no thanks" answer. After talking to the person for a few minutes, I realized something that I hadn't noticed before. Living here and actually having a job is a liability. If I was already there with no job, they'd want to interview me. As soon as they hear that I don't live there and can't just jump on a plane or in a car to get to an instant interview, they send me the email that they decided not to continue with me for the process. So, what do I do? Do I just quit my job, pack up and move back like I did 14 years ago? Is that what it will take to get me back where I want to be? I'm more level headed now. I think things through and need a plan before doing something. Having a job before I go out there seems like the most logical thing to do, but maybe it isn't. 
I also feel like my biggest downfall is my ability to hold interest in a job. I get bored easily and lack patience for dealing with external customers of any kind. I've had many different types of positions in accounting, banking, and customer service. I do have a degree in early childhood education. So...where does that leave me? What I want to do is teach. What I don't have is my student teaching completed. I can't go 4 months without a paycheck to get it done either. Plan...I need a plan...or a suggestion of some sort...please...

I'm Walking On Sunshine

Reflecting on Mother's Day and what my mom went through with cancer really brings me down. She struggled for years through surgery, chemo and radiation. I don't know how she fought as long as she did, which brings me to little miss Ainslee. From the time I heard the news of her cancer, I kept thinking "not her", "not this family", "not again". She's 5...5! I can't imagine all she's been through. Well, I can but only because it's what my mom when through. There are many days when I wish I could trade my own life just so my mom could be alive. I know I can't do that so instead I will focus my positive energy on Ainslee. I have to say how thrilled I am that her cat scan showed no cancer. I cried when I saw Beth's text to all of us and again when I read the blog post today. Words cannot describe my relief for the family. Keep fighting little one because you fill us all with hope...and we all can use a little bit of that right now. Love you Herb Family! xoxoxo

Never An Easy Day

While most people are sending flowers, going to brunch, and making phone calls, I'm doing something much different. I'm shutting out the world. I'm hiding...sometimes all weekend, or maybe just for the day. This is never an easy day for me. I can't handle watching TV...being around other families...seeing all the commercials, etc about...mom. 
You would think that after 22 years it wouldn't get to me as much. It's quite the opposite. As I get older, I find myself needing her more than I did when I was younger. There are so many things I struggle with and have nobody to turn to. It's agitating when people ask, "What about your dad or brother"? Please...seriously? As much as I love them, they are not my mom. There are things in life that only a mom can be there for and understand. NOBODY is a replacement for a mother. 

My mom was such a kind woman. She never spoke a harsh word about anyone & would give anyone the shirt off her back. I don't know how she managed to do so much. Sometimes I wonder if I've painted this image of her because she's no longer here, but ask anyone who knew her and they would say the same. 

My best friend's mom passed away a few years ago and she was the closest thing I had to a mom. She was just as amazing as my own. I feel like I've lost my mother twice. 


Happy Mother's Day to all my mom friends. I'm thinking of all my motherless friends out there. I love you and know you aren't alone today.
This year I am really going to try not to hide. I have tentative plans with friends, but I'm making no promises not to break them.

Life is not like the movies...is it?

Today I went to see Something Borrowed. Before I go off on my random tangent, let me say that I was expecting a comedy. I left this movie feeling anything but happy. There were some entertaining parts to it...just not enough for me. At first it seems like your typical "best friends let a boy come between them" movie where everyone does the right thing in the end. I was sadly wrong. The good guy should always get the girl (the good one at least) and those who are jerks get theirs in the end. I really don't understand why the movies are so accepting to cheating. This movie turned the cheating people into heros...the ones you cheer for at the end. Well, not this girl. I sat there in disgust over how it portrayed the main characters as "doing the right thing". I know it's just a movie, but I can't help but wonder how many people will watch it and think, "It's ok to cheat as long as your intentions are good". Um, no. I loved the actors in the film and the whole thing wasn't terrible. I just prefer to watch a one that doesn't encourage infidelity. Maybe movie producers are running out of decent material or I'm just overly sensitive to the subject due to personal experiences with it, but either way...I'll take the "fairytails" any day.

Disgusted with America

First off, I am very thankful to live in a country where I can voice my opinions freely. I honestly didn't know what to expect after I heard the news about the death of Bin Laden. I went through several emotions...glad, relieved, disbelief, and fear of the unknown. I wasn't prepared to see people flood the streets waiving flags & cheering for someone's brutal murder. Seeing Saturday Night Live have more than one skit mocking his death just makes me uncomfortable. In no way, shape, or form am I saying that devious, evil man had a right to live. I just think I'd rather see him suffer from some incurable disease. There are things in politics/war that need to be done and I understand that. I'm unsure what this means for the U.S. Could there be another tragedy like 9/11? Let's just say that too many of us are letting our guards down...which is exactly what the enemy is hoping for. What we need to realize is that we've pissed them off beyond belief. How would we feel if they killed our leader? Exactly...it's a never ending cycle.